Crisis

So, this requires a bit of an explanation.

Instead of this being the result of some kind of idea I had, this is the direct result of something I realized about myself about a week or so ago. Now, the following rant is going to be a bit long while also talking about fellings, so if you don't want to read it I wont blame you. Just know that I won't tl;dr it at the end.

For those of you who haven't noticed, I don't think very highly of my art. At all. I've mentioned it in some descriptions, in my DA tagline, and in the title of my tumblr. It can quite easily say that I have not drawn one single thing I have completely liked. Sure, there are parts and elements of my drawings I like, but I've never made anything I would even being to consider "good." About two weeks ago I decided I would try and fix that by spending a significant amount of time on a single character. I decided I would try and paint celestia, since I like her the most out of any side character in both appearance and personality. About halfway though making it I experienced an emotion I had never felt while drawing something. I was totally happy with the way it looked. For the first time I thought I was making something that looked good. I finished and posted it about a week ago. [link]

To my surprise, the initial response was better then it usually was. Heck, it even got into a group without being posted anywhere else. I sent it in to EqD, and to my surprise got a response back! I anxiously awaited the drawfriend post that day, finally feeling like I had made something a little worthwhile.

When it finally got posted, the first image that graced my eyes was this. [link]

Needless to say, it didn't feel good. Someone had done essentially the same thing as me (Just Celestia with some kind of background), and did it so much better then me mine just looked like the scribbles of a two year old(not dissing the artist for decided to post something the same day as me). Even worse, my drawing didn't even make the cut that day.

That is the day I almost decided to give up.

Now, I know this is something every artist goes through. I'm sure every artist out there had the urge to quit at one point but decided to pressure on. Heck, some probably had a much worse experience then me and still decided to go on.

Unfortunately, these facts have never made it easier for me, and they weren't helping that day either. Though me feeling like shit about my own art made me realize something.

What if all my negativity is seeping into my art and stunting my growth as an artist?

Now don't get me wrong, everyone should be at least a little bit critical of their own work. Otherwise you would never fix what's wrong with it and never improve. Me? I had gotten to the point where I could not point out a single thing I liked about any of my stuff. It is then I realized I needed to stop hating everything I make so much. It wasn't helping my art and it certainly wasn't helping me. I decided I was going to draw something that would express all of my frustrations and poor those feelings into it.

The result is the image you see above.

And you know what? I feel good. I feel damn good. not just about this but about myself. For the first time I don't even care what kind of reception my drawings get. It just feels amazing to finally be rid of all the negativity and the constant comparison of myself to other artists.

Which is why the bright piece of paper is there. I know I'm not good now. I know I haven't made anything that's good by conventional standards, But one day I will be. One day, I will make something that's considered good by those standards, and if you're and artist in the same place as I am so will you. Because atop the mountain of all the art studies, the not-so-good sketches, and the bad drawings is every artists first truly good work. So what are you waiting for?

You have a mountain to climb.